Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Weight loss Diary: Sometimes its just hard...

   Hey guys!  I'm trying to be completely open and honest with everyone reading my blog about this journey that I'm on right now.  And to be really honest with you, I just need to take a moment to say today...
   Sometimes, this is SO hard!
   Sometimes you look back on how hard you are working....  on how many sweets you've passed up and how well you've done..  and oh.  Ohhhh those grueling hours on the treadmill...  and to look at the numbers on the scale, it just doesn't seem motivating!  It's so hard!  I remember all those years ago when I took the diet pills..  the weight just fell off, and you know what- it wasn't hard at all!  I dropped something along the lines of 30 lbs in a month and a half, and it wasn't hard even a little bit!  I took the pill, and the weight went away.  It wasn't hard!
   But a couple of months after I stopped taking the pill, I gained all of that weight back, and then some.  
   So no, it wasn't hard.  But it wasn't life-changing either.  And it didn't change my life...   it changed my weight for a brief moment in time...  and then I went right back where I was.
   Today I was on the treadmill, sweating and trying to pull out some sort of motivation..  when I looked up, I saw this picture in front of me...



    I believe that God weaves stories through your life.  I remember we got this picture when we lived in our little apartment in Land Harbor in Linville, NC.  I remember picking it up at the local Roses store.  I read it and liked it, but it never hit me quite as hard as it did this morning, and I believe that God knew I would put it there, and he knew that I would move my treadmill to that location last night not even paying attention to the picture in front of it, and that I would be working out and needing some encouragement at that very moment.  There it was, and it spoke volumes.
   Possible.  Not Easy.
   This is not going to be easy.  But I do have faith, which makes it possible.  Every step of the way.  Every mile, every eating success moment, every time that I do something right..  God is there with me every step of the way.  Each morning that I'm too tired, but I get out of bed and read my devotion anyway.  Each morning as I pen my prayers in my journal for the first time in a year....   Each time I put on my running shoes, turn on the treadmill and go for it, I'm praying through it.  Each time I have to get off of the treadmill in the middle of a workout because someone is out of bed and needs breakfast, drinks, or just a little encouragement to get going so we can actually start school at a decent time that is still considered morning... each time God is working something out of me that I didn't even know was in me.
   So I'm not going to give up.  Each time that I think- I should give up trying to work out in the morning until school is over...  I'm going to pray my way through that.  Each time I go to bed with an ache in my stomach because I ate something I shouldn't have, I'm going to pray my way through it.  Each day that I make just one good eating decision and tons of bad ones..  I'm going to pray my way through it.  Because there are days when my workouts go awesome...  where I fall into the shower before anybody gets out of bed and praise the Lord because he allowed me to have that exercise.  There are days when I say no to the wrong kids of food one time...  two times...  three times...  all day long!  There are moments when the scale goes down instead of up.  I'm in awe of his mercy because I know its been his strength that has gotten me through this far.
   And I know he will be there tomorrow.  And somehow, he will get me through.
  And somehow, someway I will gain this victory.
   And it's not going to be easy.
   But it's possible.
   And its worth it.
 
    Phillippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.