Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Not- Back to School

  I'm sure some of you were out there wondering..  where are the Duncans back to school photos?  Instagram should contain these..  rather I'm finding some pictures of a house and coffee and the kids eating lunch together..  where's your back to school pics?  Well.  there aren't any..  and there won't be for a couple of weeks...
   I loved BCA and I have nothing but amazing things to say about it.  The whole year though, I felt so incredibly torn.  I would send long texts to my fellow home schooling friends talking about how hard it was to send my kids to school when home schooling seemed to be a part of who I was.  It was better than when I was home schooling Callie and sending Lacey to public school by leaps and bounds, because we were on the same page... but something about dropping them off and driving home left me so empty inside..  and not because of the empty nest (remember..  I still have two more kids ;-) No..  it was something far more..  it was an ache within my heart, because I missed them, but also because I hadn't pictured my life this way.
   I was okay with living it as a season, and I believe with all of my heart it helped us in a huge transition period of our lives, adjusting to having Sawyer and trying to home school with an infant was difficult.  Lacey was a part of us all the time now, so we were trying to adjust to the fact that she could not home school because her Mother didn't believe she needed too, and trying to balance one home school child and one public school child was hard.  I felt like I was showing favoritism, and that hurt me.  Bethel was the answer at the time.  It filled in the gaps for Callie in the things she was struggling with trying to keep focus on with a little brother who demanded so much of my attention, and it let Lacey know that we did love her and was equally as invested in her education as we were the others, even if it meant she could not home school.  It worked, and we enjoyed it.  It was meant for that season.  However- I just could not fight the feelings of longing to be a home school family again.
  As the summer began to draw to a close, I felt like the walls were closing in on me.  I could not shake the feeling that I needed to be home schooling my children.  My husband was considering a job in Thomasville, which would lead us to being a home school family again.  I was still unsure if that's where God wanted us to be or if I would be able to home school three of them..  when I'm only used to doing one at a time.  I started to pray for God to give me peace about sending the girls back to school again.  I prayed and decided it was not the right time to send Hudson, and felt some peace about that, but just could not feel peace about sending the girls.  It was painful..  it was hard.  I just kept praying.
   My husband finally accepted a job offer for another company, and the hours were second shift.  At first I was upset about this, but when he came home to tell me about the job, he was beaming.  He said he believed that it was meant for us to home school, and since he would be home during the day, he could help me.  It caught me off-guard, because I didn't believe he shared my burden for home school, but he was excited about this, and we began to pray.
  This is without a doubt our decision, and we are excited about it!  We just moved, so we have lots of unpacking to do before we are settled in, but we will begin school after labor day!  Please say a prayer for us on our home schooling journey, and I will certainly share some of our journeys on my blog.  I'm so greatful that God had other plans, and that Gods plans are whats best for us, even if they are not what we had in mind.  We serve an amazing God!